4/28/11 Coban

I just had an immense feeling of gratitude pass through me, followed immediately by a wave of gratitude to have the feeling of gratitude. It is ironic how the feeling has arrived now, while the rain downpours outside and I am stuck inside and nothing seemingly extraordinary has happened. Sometimes, when I am “acquiring” experiences, food, things, I don’t have such gratitude and the feeling of not really feeling deeply grateful is worse then because at those times especially, I feel I should be grateful. The feelings of both gratitude and of humility are two qualities I ask to have when I don’t have them.

Ben Harper is playing on my iTunes and the rain accompanies persistently in the back ground. Classes went very well this morning and I relayed a story from my time in Taiwan in Spanish, albeit with much attention and assistance from my teacher. Learning Spanish has been an invaluable experience even though sometimes I feel frustrated - wanting to be able to communicate and understand more by this point. I know if I keep putting in the time, I will get there.

I booked reservations to explore a biotope and hike to a waterfall this weekend and to get to Rio Dulce and Livingston next Friday/weekend. I am grateful those tasks are complete. Yesterday, I went to a well-recommended, competent dentist and he fixed my cavity for about $50. I am extremely grateful that task is over with for a cost so much less than I would have paid in the U.S. sans health insurance. I could almost fly to Guatemala (spirit airlines from Miami, $150), have a week of Spanish lessons including room and board with a Guatemalan family ($150) and get a cavity filled for the cost of getting one cavity fixed in the U.S.

I just finished listening to audio lectures on positive thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale and that has undoubtedly helped direct my mood toward gratitude, faith and hope, toward feeling that life is working out as it should, that my health will fully return and stay with me, that I am where I need to be right now, and that I have all that I need in this moment. This is true.

The wind has joined the rain in mayhem so much so that I can’t hear Ben Harper anymore and I close iTunes. The air is far cooler than it was two hours ago on my sticky walk around town. I’m relieved I did not walk further a field and become trapped in the storm. I’ve discovered a delicious home-made yogurt stand. They offer strawberry, fig, and melon. Today, I ordered strawberry and sat enjoying it on a park bench, watching a stream of ants diligently carrying small leaves across the sidewalk. A black and white spotted dog crosses over them. I hope the ants got their work done before the rain hit. Did they know the storm was coming?