Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The sit that stands out most, is, again, the one I experienced after the intensely busy afternoon on Tuesday. I experienced such a longing to unite with stillness after that day and so I had a much deeper sit because of that. That whole concept about the stronger the need, the stronger the asking, and the stronger the results. There is a quote from the Abraham Hicks c.d. that I revisited a few months ago in Guatemala when I felt disconnected that comes to mind again now: “In the midst of what you like the least, you are often doing your best, most poignant asking. Contrast causes you to ask, you are doing some of your best creating because you are doing your most clear, perfect asking and the larger, non-physical part of you then becomes the vibrational equivalent of what you’ve asked for.” I am actually in the midst of something I am loving very much. But I am asking for a way to remain unattached to fear/anxious-thoughts that pop up during times of stress, tiredness and deadlines because if I can’t find a way to do that than I am in the midst of something I don’t like. I know that part of what I am here to learn is how to do that connecting in my working everyday life. I am also learning to stop resisting when I do feel stressed and that helps. I realize that it is my expectations that design should be creative/a-ha/fun all the time that causes my suffering. The next day I let that expectation go, and, what do you know? I appreciated getting one production related item done at a time and enjoyed the satisfaction of accomplishing that in and of itself.
On Tuesday, I came to the afternoon sit after a very busy busy day at work, right up to the last minute getting things approved and passed in. My mind felt jittery. I knew that quiet time right that instant was essential, I could not afford to indulge in thoughts. I had to be very firm to stop my thoughts. Because I had such a strong desire and intention to do so, the monkey mind did stop. I have to have a very firm desire for stillness because “I” like my thoughts and thinking them. This was a wonderful sit because I was so much in need of stillness and then that stillness arrived completely and stayed with me the whole sit and stayed on my way to A’s with the other interns for dinner and stayed for the Rose/thorn sharing of good/hard experiences.
Then I got very tired and the stillness went away and was replaced by chatter when we started getting into the chores and grocery contributions and all of that. The tiredness and fear of loosing this abundance chased the stillness away. I’m grateful for the stark contrast between the two states of being that evening. And then on Wednesday evening, T and I went to a gentle yoga class. The theme was perfect, “letting abundance flow.” To do that requires not hording the abundance, but giving and letting it flow through you. Giving the surplus away because there is always more than enough. And I realized the link between an abundant state of mind and permaculture and the speakers we have listened to this week who have been talking about sustainable agriculture. This is the sort of mindset our culture needs to cultivate to change the world's food predicament. That note about abundance coupled with a reminder about the bigger picture of the world's food problems helped combat my worry about finances and about looking for a job and about the next step. So I think that “letting abundance flow” message is the one I really need to act on and pay attention to going into the next week.