Saturday, February 4, 2012

Poem from the end of the evening

How important it is to keep expanding the heart. Letting anything in to my heart that is causing negative emotions. To picture the person or situation that is causing negativity, to picture them in my heart and to really feel them there. Its a giving of that thing from my mind to my heart, because my heart can hold it, but my mind will only spin on it. And to give it whole heartedly to my heart (or your spirit guide or whatever works for you) and not pick it back up again.

The more my heart can hold the things that irritate/anger/sadden/hurt me than the more open I am to presence/connection with mystery/god/source/etc.  I'm excited to be practicing this and feeling it work, not just reading about it. I greeted today with the intention that this would be an expanding of the heart day and  a lightness of the heart day. And it has been.

"Prayer is an awareness and very often a waiting"

Poem from the end of the evening:

I think I hear thunder,
But it must only be a plane,
A painting of a lightening storm
Hangs on the wall,
Of the place I am housesitting for,
February chill stalls outside,
Solitude redeems the space,
I do not wish to fill it,
With anything but poetry,
Listening, and light-heartedness.
What wants to form?
What is waiting to be born?
From this well of stillness,
That was here all along?
Pay attention, expect to find,
A story in the void,
Waiting to arise,
Beauty in the abyss,
More than ready to shine.

Notes from the week (from Jan 30)

"You're never going to get it altogether" - Pema Chodron

Where I am is good, okay, a fine place to be. What I have is worth appreciating! I know my direction is to make peace with where I am at. To surrender to being here. The difference between surrender and complacency (acedia - falling asleep). To allow myself to be here, no matter how painful, uncomfortable, boring or whatever.

How do I be more light-hearted in this situation? and open the channel to you? How do I know when the direction/guidance is coming from you and when from ego?

Just decide in the morning: Hello day! I am going to be light-hearted today. I am going to find joy in the little things. Go for a walk in nature and express gratitude first thing.

I went to a Green Tara Meditation this evening and am so glad I decided to check it out. The talk was given by a Buddhist nun named Robina Courtin. She was a hilarious, had the best sense of humor and light-heartedness about life. She said to remember that "I am enough. Where I am is enough. What I have done with my life is enough. What I have done today is enough" and to know that this is true. And it is. I can feel it.

She also said to stop focusing on  what doesn't exist. That's not reality. Focus on what does exist, reality. Be present and honest with reality and in touch with what is real. And be grateful for it too.

I am grateful for it all, for how it wakes me up and teaches me and stretches me. I am grateful for my sore back and everything. This allows me to see the bigger picture that all of this is. Where I am meant to be and where I am and where I have been. I trust in where I am and the way things are working out. I am wide open, not tunnel-visioned on what doesn't exist.

I'm so grateful for my life and to be in Santa Fe with a great community of people and living situation and family and for everything that has come into my life to date.

Most important bit of advice: Don't limit myself!

Follow what excites me. What excites me so much right now is the idea of contributing my design skills to a spiritual, healing, or alt. health type of organization, center or publication. Where my effort and work will go toward a movement I am passionate about and where I will be among like-minded people. I am also excited about creativity and healing. I think, eventually, when I have the life experience and credibility, I'll do some kind of spiritual/healing work.

At the same time, I am willing to go where ever I am guided.

Where I am right now is a good place to be! I know I am really lucky. My task is to notice when I forget this, when I start taking things too seriously and not seeing the light and the bigger picture of situations. I can always return to feeling the abundance, just like that. Aligning myself with abundance and enough, not with lack. Remember the humor in life and to not cling to the abundance, but let it flow through. Keep realizing, (with surprise every time!) Wow, I really do have enough! That's tough to do, but so crucial for happiness, satisfaction, contentment.

From David Whyte poetry c.d.

“Poetry is the freedom to be in the experience and discover things you didn’t know you knew.

Poetry is the creative courageous act of articulating reality wherever you are. Releases you from prison. Gives inner sense of spaciousness.

We need a relationship with the silence and a relationship with the unknown.

Have faith in the longings you feel. There’s nothing wrong with the longings – they will mature and lead us into the place we are attempting to make for ourselves.”