High Priestess

She,
My high priestess inside,
Is standing always,
Present and strong,
For full-conscious being-ness.
With cat-like yawn,
And arching back,
She attacks neediness,
Smallness, pettiness, lack.
She lives relaxed,
And non-attached,
To cherished outcomes,
Transforming emptiness,
Into freedom,
By bringing mindfulness,
To hurts and ailments,
So suffering releases,
And separates from pain,
Giving rein to,
Untamed, limitless wildness.
Her force flows,
Through heart-beat veins.
She is core of Earth,
And center of flame.
She is fierce protector,
Of connection to Source.
She pierces falseness,
And sharpens claws on pretense.
Coming to know her,
Is pure gift and awe.

Fairy Deck Taro Card

To look within,
Not without,
That's what the card,
I drew reminds me about.
Perfect timing, no doubt,
To heal the empty kind,
Of intellectual pining,
Disquieting my mind.
As snow nears ground,
I find stillness abiding,
And silently filling,
The sound of fear.
Looking without,
Brought being without,
While attending within,
Brings being back in.

Body Intelligence

Body Intelligence,
Voicing messages,
Giving wisdom and guidance,
To take action or to contemplate,
Every Choice,
I have to make,
There to council,
On spending money,
That a course requires,
Saying with tension,
Don't force that,
Or, getting my attention,
With low back aches.

I get it.
You're not there to limit,
But to make space,
For me to listen,
And to create from,
My experience,
With Grace.

Mind Games

I was sad,
Because I knew that,
What I said,
Had made you upset,
But, even more than that,
I knew before my words,
Flew out,
And went ahead,
And said them still.
As I realized why,
You came around,
Also to apologize,
For reacting in anger,
And making me cry.
Some suffering lifted,
I'd placed on myself,
For being "bad."
What a mess,
Our minds make sometimes,
Thank you hearts,
For Steering us clear again,
Or we'd be left blind.

Life

We are in each other,

All along dearest.

They say that,

About Lovers.

It is true for all souls,

We have connections to,

And what ones don’t we?

We are in the universe,

Before conception,

And beyond.

I’ve held you prior,

As you’ve held me.

Thank you for your lessons,

Your blessings, your possibility.

When its a mystery,

The mind is useless,

To comprehend,

Growth through sacrifice,

Closing to open,

Pain for direction,

And patience to exchange,

Question marks for, 

Exclamation marks,

No matter the wait.

Something great intuits,

Further brewing through being,

Before we greet you,

Whole-heartedly giving.

Landscape Within

Sun-soaked air,

Heating all surfaces,

Melting me into place,

And into the stillness,

And caring of commeness.

All the breaths,

And all the sighs,

Of the every day,

Little bugs parading,

Food away,

And slight shifts,

Again and again,

Of clouds through the sky.

From Ships sailing,

To dispersal of birds.

To my crowd of thoughts,

Thirsting for answers,

On living here,

Traveling there,

Settling when? Where?

Finally resting blankly,

Feeling heartbeat under hand.

No other landscape,

Loves me more,

And I can take it anywhere.

Slowing Time

It is possible. 

This.

So that, 

Sun on tent flaps,

Water, 

Lapping star moss,

Being, 

Next to you, 

Lasts.

This 

Moment 

Extends,

The more deeply 

I feel.

By beginning 

Bringing 

Attention,

From mind 

To heart.

Each breath, 

I consciously draw,

Connects me 

To the start.

Again.

And, further, 

Into earth,

Then, 

Flows over, 

Into sky.

No limits on how 

High,

Or how low 

I can go.

Even leave my body, 

If I wish.

But I choose 

To be in it.

Experiencing this, 

tremendous,

Slowing 

Down 

Of time.

Trip to Mexico End of Jan beginning of Feb 2013

Notes from my first trip to Mexico: Guanuato, Guadalajara, San Miguel, Quereterro

1/31/13

I'm in Guanuato, Mexico right now. Its good just to be taking it easy. I'm staying at my friend Kristin's parent's guest house. Normally, they rent it out, but vacancy this week and a free plane ticket, the chance to visit mexico with my friend and get away from Santa Fe's winter for a few weeks made the decision to come pretty easy. My cast on my wrist (from snowboarding) came off a few days before I flew here. It feels strange, but is healing well. 

I'm lucky I get to do so much traveling and learning and simplifying and slowing down while doing so, more than I used to anyway. I'm learning how not to pack quite so much stuff in. 

2/2/13 

A horse just paced past my wind. I am trying to practice Spanish. Tomorrow, we leave Guanuato and head for San Miguel, just to see it, then on to Queretero. Then I go back to Guadalajara to fly out. Guanuato has been a cool place to see and hang out with all its windy, colorful colonial streets. We went in the Diego Rivera museum the other day and hung out at a hotel pool this afternoon. Its been a lazy vacation. I've also been working though - every day doing some freelance work, ads, media kits that sort of thing long distance. Its cool I can take my work with me. When I return, I will start a tutoring job through the rest of spring though for some extra income and stability.

2/8/13

2nd to last day in Mexico. Its gone by fast. I'm in Guanuato in an awesome eco-hostel writing on the roof top. Sunny, tranquil days. I love this town. Its hip, happy and cultural. Last night, Kristin and I just walked around the town amazed at how many people were out and about enjoying the night and the community. I am ready to go home though. I miss someone more than I ever have before and I can't wait to be in his arms again. 

Notes from trip to Steamboat Springs, CO, mid- december

Quick trip to Steamboat mid December to meet Stirling's dad and store some of his stuff up there. Our first little road trip. Beautiful times, weather, hot springs, getting a ski lesson with his dad. Then braking my wrist snowboarding the following day at the bottom of the slope on the last run, of course. I found out it was broken a few days later when I went back to Santa Fe (where I have health coverage) and got an ex-ray and cast put on. Cast on for 6 weeks, a clean fracture. Should heal totally fine, just take some time. The weird thing is, I got injured this exact week the year before while sledding  (concussion). Life's just telling me to slow down whenever I start getting too fast. I am done the film fest work and have a bit of a break until new work comes in, which I trust it will. It will give me some time to be still and take it easy. No rush.

Trip to HI, Big Island back in November

Here are some notes and pics from beach time on the big Island, where I traveled November 2012 for a friend's wedding.

11/12: Sittin' Kickin' it at Hookena Beach with a newfound crew of wilderness therapist friends. Soaking in the sun and the braking waves. I could definitely live here. Wonder if I ever will.  Santa Fe is being really kind to me though and it would be hard to leave. This would be even more out there and hard to travel from. I'm always open and up for anything though. My intention right now in life is to go with the flow, to be creative, to be more conscious of my breathing, letting stress flow through me instead of storing it in my body. Being loving toward people. Working on my own projects.

11/14/12 Camping near the ocean at Kapa'a State Park Beach. I was hoping to find a restorative peaceful place to spend the night and here I am. The ocean is calling. The universe is calling through it. Our yearning for the universe is the Universe yearning for us. Last night, I went to my first ecstatic dance, with the group of wilderness therapist friends. It happened at a yoga retreat place I had heard of from a friend called Kalani. I hadn't make any special effort to come here, and yet I found myself here at this ecstatic dance. It was an experience. I heard the term cuddle puddle for the first time and experienced such a puddle of love after the dance was over and we lay laughing and deliriously tired on the floor.

I am reading Cynthia Bourgealt's book "Wisdom Jesus" in my tent. Reading about the Pacific Northwest Wisdom School she started in Santa Barbara. Reading about Kenotic Spirituality - self-emptieying as a path to fullness. Reading about Tantra in "its real sense as an ancient and authentic spiritual path, it seeks the unitive state of transcendence of separation and duality - through complete self-emptieying and out-pouring."

11/16/12
I am staying at a cottage on a coffee farm right near the wedding - the only accommodation I'm paying for on this trip. The only other guest in the cottage is a woman from Holland named Marienetta, but she looks Hawaian. Dark Skin and eyes and hair. She invited me to try and come swimming with the dolphins with her tomorrow. She tells me about her recent turning in life and how she feels she is just starting her 2nd life in this life. Its so funny how I am always meeting these kinds of people and fall into these conversations so naturally.

Its been a beautiful week. Last night, I met up with Katie and her friends for the bachelorette party. I got to spend the night at the Royal Kona Retreat for free with one of Katie's friend's, Liz, who's in a  band in Las Vegas, NV (have to specify NV since there is a Las Vegas, NM). That was pretty cool to wake up in a fancy hotel on the ocean I never would have been able to stay in otherwise. That morning, Liz and I walked to an acai bowl breakfast place and split a bowl filled with bee pollen, cashew nut butter, coconut, banana, acai smoothie, and macs powder. Yum!

A few days ago, my last with my rental car, I went up Mauna Kea all the way to the top - even though they say you need 4-wheel drive to do that. Took a hike to the glacier lake there and some cool pictures.

Now back to the cottage I'm at through the wedding. Chirping crickets and frogs. I feel immense gratitude  and peace with where I am with life now.

11/18 Wedding. Remember that all the choices we've made to be here now, depended on all the choices those before us have made. The reverend asking everyone at the wedding to make a commitment to send love and help to the bride and groom when they need it. That's really why we've been invited to be part of this ceremony. The bride and groom felt they could depend on us for love and support in their journey together. Traditional Haiwain wedding touches: conch shell blown at start, Luaos exchanged and given to parents of bride and groom.

Room in the World

What a joy to sit with the mountains,
Extra tall and crisp in suits of snow,
Cloud capes draping their shoulders,
Softening their stance into certain indigo.

Mountains, do you ever wish...
To glance at us, from a distance?
Through curtains and windows?
To have your space all alone?

You appear so remote, self-sufficient,
Unchangeable forever, or so we assume.
But you are constantly giving us
your room in the world.

Clocks: Ticking TIme

From January 5th

Clocks: ticking time
To the city lights, flickering.
Windows: reflecting the doors
That we pass through.
Beds: studios for dreams
To unfurl like smoke.
Sighs: signifying the good work
We know we did today.
Hope: when the heart still longs
To find a way.