8/5
"Whenever we enter into a relationship for anything less than to love and be loved, it can't sustain us" (12)
"When we disown qualities that we have within us, we are often attracted to people who are expressing those very same qualities." (15)
8/14
Dharma talk:
When we're relaxed or absorbed in activity, there is very little sense of self, of me, of desire for the next thing.
Spiritual practice is a series of mistakes.
Desire at its roots comes from the longing for happiness. A knowing that something better is possible, spiritual urgency and wisdom.
Desire focused on awareness and awakening is a diff. kind of energy that involves channeling wisdom.
chanda - whole desire, takes us toward more lasting happiness and connection
Desire with intent and discrimination leads to release, non attachment and waking up.
Desire not to be, to numb out is an aversion. An aversion to yourself. It can masquerade as pseudo spiritual. A way of protection, but also a prison. Both very much concerned and preoccupied with the self.
8/15
Doors open more than once. Things come around again and again. There is not just one chance to do something you are meant to do and experience in this life. Maybe the first time something came toward you, you felt the pull to do it, but you weren't quite there yet, obviously. Sometimes, it takes something coming around a 2nd or 3rd time for you to recognize it as worth the next step or leap. It seems a little more familiar, a little more accessible, or that much more urgently calling you and you that much more urgently listening! (2am wide awake journaling)
It was the right thing to be doing at the right time until right now. Because, right now, suddenly, I have outgrown it! And to stay further would be a limitation, a liability to my soul and growth rather than a stretching and growth of my ego. To recognize this meaning is such a gift.
8/18
My intention is to release anything blocking my creativity. My intention is to be creative and pay attention to dreams. Letting go of the horse job is a start. Letting go of living at the ranch and moving into Lisa's is another step. My intention is to attract people, situations, things into my life that encourage, promote and nourish my creativity and give me more outlets to apply it.
What do I love to do?
- Bring people together
- listen to, talk and get to know people
- be kind and loving and considerate to people
- bring elements together that seem disparate to create beauty in design, relationships, life
8/21
Right now, I don't know what next job is best for me. I trust that it will present itself when the time is right and I will be paying attention when it does. I have all that I need for everything I need for the time being.
8/28
A friend brought up the term "Flexibly tracked' this week. I like it. Similar to what I've been saying about "holding space."
Prioritize time and set boundaries. Be purposeful about both. Do what is conducive to creative work (often that means leaving space and time totally free and open to become!)
8/30
I just finished reading a most powerful book that a friend lent me, called, "Calling in the One" by Katherine Woodward Thomas. At first I though it had such a cheesy title until I realized the profoundness. The book is not about calling in your one true love, prince charming, blah blah blah. Its about calling in the one in yourself. And how that love already exists in each of us. I realized that all of the things I would want in a partner, I must first recognize in myself. All of the things I want in my partner are also things I want myself to be up to the standards of! The book is a 7 week course of journaling, meditating, reflecting, and exercises to release boundaries you have to the love in yourself. I spent seven weeks with the book, but I didn't do it all in order or all of the exercises, since I felt like I've already been working on some of them or done them before. In the very last chapter of the book, the exercise then asks you to visualize who you see yourself with and what you see yourself doing. It was really fun to visualize and write. No expectations, but a knowing that its already within me so I already have it. I'll put it out here nonetheless: I see myself with poetry, books and design/art work out in the public sphere. I seem myself helping and healing others through communication, listening, helping them find their own intuition and access to their own heart's voice. I see myself traveling the world in support of these services/gifts. I see myself building community. Web builder. I see myself living near water eventually, the ocean and mountains. I see myself in love and fully loved. I see us with a child. I see myself consulting with and listening to my own intuition, body and emotional wisdom and helping others do the same. I see myself partnered with a man who compliments and supports my vision and I his vision. A man who has his own vision and who is following it. But our visions are on the same path and we can help each other grow and be all we can be. I see a kind, generous, open, warm-hearted man who is gentle on himself and on me. I see us communicating with integrity and intuition. This man adores me and I could not love him any more without my heart bursting into 1000 pieces. We give each other the space we each need to do our individual work while sharing a life vision together.
8/31
August full moon gathering notes
To feel free - that's what we all want. That means not defining and not wanting others to define me.
It takes 21 days to build a habit. Every 30 days, shed a habit you don't want.
The love for the work driving the work.
There is a lot of unpaved earth in NM. That's one reason why we all love it!
To trust.
To ask out loud. The shift happening on cellular levels.
Living our life purpose...And what do I believe about my life purpose? What I believe is supported in my action.
The beliefe of loving myself is that much to push through the fear and do it.
Everything we want is on the other side of fear. Those things we fear, we can use as a tool, indicator, compass for our life purpose. Go to the fear. The monster we expected is usually not on the other side!
Relationships:
You just have to be in it. No box. Needs space to bloom like a flower. No absolute yes and no absolute no. Must be able to meet in the middle. (holding that tension, flexibly tracked again).
Picture a line with a yes on one end and a no on the other and a dot for meeting in the middle. And hold the space for uncertainty, trusting the liminal middle ground.
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